So the other night, my buddy IM’s me, hysterically “haha”ing over a picture he had found somewhere on CNN. He sent me the picture, which was of a man swimming with a polar bear that was trying to attack him. As it turns out, it wasn’t really that funny, but it did get me thinking. First of all, it made me realize that a lot of my friends are idiots, and secondly, there are a lot of types of bears out there, and a lot of them really are dangerous. This second point really stuck with me. Now I wouldn’t consider myself a blog connoisseur or even a blog expert. Hell, I wouldn’t even say I really know that much about blogs at all. What I do know however, is that I’ve never seen a post about the dangers of bears; and this really alarmed me. Bears can be a real threat to humans and someone should warn the public. So after a little bit of research I present to you my public service announcement on the dangers of bears. I have broken them down by deadliness. The first bear on the list is the least deadly, while the last bear is the most deadly. Enjoy, and consider yourself warned.
- The baby bear. Coming in at #1 is the cuddly baby bear. I don’t think I have to elaborate on why this bear isn’t really a threat to anyone…ever.
The Behr Bear. While not actually a real bear per se, it still can be dangerous. The following comes directly from the Behr website:
Emergency Overview: Irritant. Potential Health Effects: Eye: May cause irritation. Skin: May cause irritation. Inhalation: Prolonged or excessive inhalation may cause respiratory tract irritation. Ingestion: May be harmful if swallowed. May cause vomiting. Chronic Health Effects: Prolonged or repeated contact may cause skin irritation. Signs/Symptoms: Overexposure may cause headaches and dizziness. Target Organs: Eyes. Skin. Respiratory system. Digestive system. Aggravation of Pre-Existing Conditions: None generally recognized. However, it is important to note that no Behr paints use lead as a base, which makes the Behr bear even less deadly than it first appears. I think we can all agree this is one bear we wouldn’t mind meeting in a dark alley.
3. Real Bears. Coming in at #3, being more deadly than both infants and paint are(it’s about time) real bears. Real bears are horrible man eating monsters that like nothing more than the taste of human flesh. In fact, just recently in Alaska, there was a small fishing village that was raped and pillaged by a gang of Grizzly bears. When asked why they did it, one bear simply said, “for kicks.” Self-proclaimed “biologists” will tell you that bears are “friendly” and “rarely” attack humans. They even say that humans are more of a threat to bears than bears are to humans. Hmmm, I can’t remember, which one is that has giant fangs and claws and could easily rip a man in two, the human or the bear? Oh yeah, that’s right….the bear. (On a quick side note, I do not include Koala bears as real bears simply because they have about as much in common with other bears as a shrub does with an office building).
4. Bear Grylls. That’s right. Coming in at the deadliest bear on Earth is Bear Grylls. For those of you who haven’t heard of him, shame on you. Bear Grylls is by far the manliest bear on the planet and also the most efficient killing machine ever known. He has one goal: survival. If you get in the way of him and his goal you will die. He will do anything it takes to make sure he stays at the top of the food chain and, without a doubt, your imminent death is assured if he even thinks you might be a problem. To prove how manly he is, here are a couple of videos showcasing just how ridiculously awesome this man is at surviving and also why he is the deadliest bear known.
Bear Grylls Eating a Live Snake
Bear Grylls Drinking Elephant Dung
Well, there you have it folks. A breakdown of the deadliest bears on the planet. I hope you found this informative and eye-opening. I know I certainly learned a lot while making this post. Let me know what you think and have a safe, bear-free, day.
[...] in my opinion. Here is a link to his list that I ask you read before continuing on with mine, http://jmcguirk.wordpress.com/2007/06/14/the-worlds-top-deadliest-bears. Now, you will see a few similarites between the two, but I assure you that my list is more [...]